I've officially fallen in love with boudoir.
I never thought I'd ever say those words. I never thought I was capable. No, not me. I take photos of horses and wildlife. That's what I do.
(It's safe and within my comfort zone).
I'm part of many photography groups on social media, and I always saw these stunning boudoir images and admired how artistic and classy they can be. I thought, "I wouldn't know what to do or how to even begin. I don't belong in that category."
Wrong. That's a lie I told myself.
A woman I didn't know, messaged me one day asking if I photograph boudoir, and I said, "no, I've never done that kind of session before." She was willing to be my first, however I asked one of my friends to model for me instead before I agreed to do a session. My reluctancy was more about the doubt I had surrounding my ability to produce images she'd love herself in, and also the fact that this could be a pretty awkward situation for both of us if I'm not comfortable directing and setting the right tone, thus potentially making her uncomfortable. There was just a whole lot of "what if's." I just didn't want to screw up.
These images were the result of my first ever attempt at photographing boudoir. This is my guest bedroom, to which I am now in the process of converting into a studio! I didn't have any studio lighting, so we shot in the dark, with the only light coming from the window. I used sheer curtains to imitate a canopy over the bed, faux fur blankets, and extra curtains and blankets to cover up tables I had in the room.
She brought an intact steer skull (hell yes!), and a skull bottle full of vodka, along with bottles we used as vases containing dried lavender, which filled the room with a beautiful aroma. She had skull rings (there's a theme here), a leather jacket, some of the most gorgeous lace lingerie I've ever seen, along with what I like to call her "Stevie Nicks" hat.
We laid all of her beautiful turquoise jewelry across the faux fur, and decorated the entire room with candles of various sizes and sprigs of dried eucalyptus, put on her favorite playlist, and clinked our glasses filled with cheap red wine as a cheers to what I now believe is my purpose.
I've spent many years changing my mind, changing my focus, and trying to keep up with all the other talent, and I never actually felt like I could get a grip on any of it. It's been as exhausting for me as it has been for my followers I'm sure, to keep track of what I am or am not focusing on for the sake of trying to find my groove, but that's part of the process, right?
I was so afraid of boudoir because of my own insecurities, but this session was so inspiring and the lightbulb inside me finally went off. It gave me so much confidence both as a woman and a photographer, that yes, this is what I'm meant to do, and yes, I could also be the girl in front of the camera too.
The number of lies we tell ourselves and actually believe is incredible. Over time, we compare ourselves, compete with one another, and bash ourselves till no end. I even told my husband a few weeks ago, that since I was a kid I was so afraid no one was ever going to love me because of my flaws and insecurities, and I sometimes struggle to love myself through them, too.
This might seem like I'm blowing smoke, since I've only photographed one boudoir session, but it was an incredibly powerful and life changing experience. I'll even be doing one of my own, which is both exciting and nerve wracking!
I feel like I've finally had the ah-ha moment, because I'm so ready to just climb out of myself and my comfort zone, both as an artist and a human being, and I've never had that feeling when photographing until now.
This is more than just boudoir. This is more than lingerie, lipstick, and high heels. Yeah, these images make a great gift for your significant other, but if you're interested in doing a session, I highly suggest making this a gift to yourself.
You deserve this. You deserve to feel beautiful and love yourself just as you are without judgement. You deserve to see yourself through an entirely different mirror, rather than the one you created from the lies you tell yourself.
Thank you for continuing to follow me along each unpaved road that this craft seems to bring me on. Each block has forced me to work harder and dig deeper into the creativity with in me, but the process is messy, and I appreciate you embracing that.
I have one date available for an April boudoir session, and after that, I'm booking into the end of May and beginning of June!
Click here to get a hold of me!